I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
