You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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