I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
you never un-have a 4some
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
