I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
it was like eating out sand paper
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
