Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize