dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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