Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
