the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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