I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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