my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
