i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
