I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
