Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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