I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
