a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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