Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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