Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize