It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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