I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
