the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I currently don't understand fingers.
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