i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
