Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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