new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
