I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You took a bar mat shot.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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