Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
