woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
