can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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