apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize