so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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