I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
