I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
