Princesses don't give blow jobs
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
