Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
