I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
