walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
