im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
