Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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