Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
