I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
