grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
