So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
