i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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