so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
