i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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