Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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