is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
