Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
