dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
