my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
