When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
