I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My vagina just clenched in fear
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
