Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
