Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
