she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize