I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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