I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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