he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
