There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
