11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
