i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
