the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
