In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
