According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
