I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
