Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize