Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
