He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
