i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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